March 10, 2013 by Diana M
Ok so you’ve just had one of those horrific break-ups where you feel like the whole world is crashing down and you don’t even know when you’ll be able to show a genuine smile. But don’t despair! The sun will rise again, the birds will chirp once more, and you will be able to sing along with them.
Until that day comes though, here are 15 post break-up survival tips:
1. Out of sight out of mind
This can be a bit extreme for some people, but it actually works. If you keep seeing your ex’s face everywhere ranging from Facebook to old pictures on your computer, it’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to let go. Unfriend them from your social networks, box away the pictures and gifts and teddies, and do whatever you can to not bump into the memory of what you two used to be.
I don’t suggest deleting all the emails and the messages at first, because I did that once, and then I sort of regretted not holding on to some of the memories; on the bright side though, I can barely remember that relationship right now, which is a good thing.
2. Music heals just as good as time
You’ll have your moments of listening to sad songs and heartbreak songs, but know that music is a powerful thing in your life; you just have to choose the right one for you if you want to get over your break-up. There are so many songs out there about moving on, from strong female artists to bad-ass male artists, you just need to pick what’s good for you. And remember that the music you listen to will influence your mood, so pick carefully.
3. Friends are lifesavers
In hard times such as these, having friends around is pretty much the best thing you can have in your life. They will be there with shoulders to cry on, beers or chocolate waiting for your comfort, a listening ear or two, and advice if you’re willing to take it. Don’t shut yourself out from the world; now is the time to step in it, and surround yourself with as many friends as possible. They will always know what to do to get you out of your heartbreak state, because they’ve all been there and know what it’s like.
4. Party your sorrow away
Please notice I did not say drink your sorrow away. I really don’t advise anyone to get shit-faced drunk after a tough break-up. Why? Because one of three things can happen: you end up doing something you regret (wake up in bed with someone scary, wake up with a tramp stamp, wake up naked in a strange place, etc), you end up somewhere you don’t want to end up (jail, hospital, unknown creepy dude’s house with no windows), you end up feeling worse than the night before (add hangover headache, throwing up constantly, and some blackouts to the pain caused by heartbreak -good job!).
Learn the difference between drinking your sorrow away and partying your sorrow away. The last one means that you are actually having a good time at a party, and have totally forgotten your ex, even if it is for just a night. But then you wake up, safe in your own bed, no hangover, and with awesome memories from an awesome party. Kudos to you!
5. Time to discover you -again
This, my friend, is not the time to hide under the cover, not leave your house for days, and clutch to your TV remote for dear life because it lets you watch the Notebook for the seventh time. This is the time to discover yourself all over again. It’s time to find out what you like and want to do, who you want to be, how you want to be seen by others, what are your passions and what on earth you want to do with all your free time. Break-ups can be powerful life changing motivators and instead of hiding yourself away from everything that is out there, why don’t you get up from under that cover and go do what you got to do to find your smile again.
6. Heartache medicine coming right up
Do you feel tired from moping around and hating your life? Are you bored to death from staring at the same four walls of your room? Boy, do I have the thing for you. The best medicine for heartache is laughter, no question about it. Studies have shown that if you start making yourself laugh, even if at first it’s forced, you eventually start laughing for real (and sometimes won’t be able to stop, but that’s just a small side-effect).
I suggest renting all seasons of Friends to start with, then continue on with your favorite comedy shows, ranging from Big Bang Theory to The Nanny. Don’t stop there! Go through your comedy film collection and don’t leave out the cartoons! And don’t even get me started on Youtube videos. You practically have laughing material to last you for years to come!
7. Glam up
The more you let yourself go the worse you feel about yourself. When was the last time you took a shower, shaved and actually did something with your hair? It is now time to glam up. Treat yourself to a nice bath, put on your best outfit, make yourself look like a million bucks and you’ll start feeling like that too. Then go out and show the world that you still got it!
8. Express yourself
Don’t hold back your tears, don’t hold back your anger – express yourself anyway you want: write, paint, sing, play, do whatever you gotta do to get those feelings out of you and get some closure. When you’re experiencing raw emotion like that, best thing to do is splash it on your own type of canvas. A lot of masterpieces are created that way.
For me, it was a combination of writing and drawing, and always listening to music. When I was done with it, I would feel so much lighter and calmer and just overall good.
9. Don’t lose hope
You may reach the point where you think that this was it. That one big love that now is gone. And you may think that you’ll never feel happy again, or that you’ll never love again or God knows what else. Well…don’t! You know better than to lose hope like that. Life is like this sometimes: you meet someone, you fall in love, things don’t work out, you break-up, you heal, then you meet someone, you fall in love, and so on and so forth. It takes time to find someone and have things actually work out, and in the process you learn so much about yourself and other people. So don’t lose up and don’t give up; just remember that the best is yet to come.
10. Find your motivation
Find what is going to keep you going, on your own road. For me, it was my anger towards my cheating ex combined with wanting to show him that I can not only live without him but also that I’ll be better at it. And that’s what I did. Now I look at that break-up as being the best thing that ever happened to me, because if it wouldn’t have happened, I wouldn’t have found the strength to be me and to push my limits further each time.
Your motivation can be just about anything you can think of. You can use quotes, pictures, songs, movies, role-models, anything that will boost your energy and make you get to wherever it is you want to be.
11. Start building yourself up
Enough with the chocolates and the beers and the junk food lying on the floor. Just enough! Time to get your butt off of your couch and out of your bed and start exercising and building yourself up. The chemicals released while exercising will help you feel better and happier. If you start eating healthier, even better. If you start meditating, then you’re golden.
12. Avoid romantic cliches
While you’re in your healing process, it would be best if you would avoid the romantic comedies, the cheesy love songs, and the chocolate stores -just for a while. They can be more harmful to you than you know, because they’re a constant reminder of the things that went right in your relationship and that you now miss and want back and need back, and before you know it, you’re about to hit the Send button for a desperate text to your ex. Don’t do it! Avoid romantic cliches at all costs!
13. Don’t go back
Don’t text, email or Facebook your ex. It’s not worth it. If they wronged you, they don’t deserve you anymore. It’s time to realize that you need to turn the page and find your own way without them. Whatever the reason for the break-up, if your gut tells you that you’re better off without your ex, then listen to your gut; it’s 90% accurate, if not more. Let the past be the past, and try to enjoy your present as best as you can, so can be happy about your future.
14. Time to learn
If you managed to go at least one day without completely thinking about your ex, then congratulations, you’re on your way! When you can look back at your relationship with a clear mind, you can start learning from it too. What went right, what went wrong, what did you like, what did you dislike, what will you do the same in the next relationship, what will you change, what will you look for in your next partner, what will you stay away from, etc. There’s always something good coming out of everything that was once bad, you just have to learn to see it.
15. Know that you WILL love again
No matter what, know that it’s not the end of the line for you. You WILL love again. And next time it will be bigger and better than this time. Why? Because you took the time to heal, to discover yourself, to put the past behind you and you learned from it too. You are better than yesterday, and people you interact with will also be able to see that. Acknowledge the fact that one day, you will love again, but don’t go desperately looking for love; wait for it to catch you off guarded. Meanwhile, focus on your passions and your other loves, be it family, friends, pets or hobbies and simply enjoy this ride called life.
Article posted on Thought Catalog