March 4, 2013 by Diana M
I think I have spent most of my life as a single person. Sure, I’ve had a couple of long term relationships, and a couple of short term ones, and yeah, there were some really awesome parts to it, but there were also some not so awesome parts too. What I have come to learn through all of this is that it’s really important to know yourself, accept yourself and love yourself first, especially before learning to know, accept and love someone else.
Also, what I have noticed is that people (present party at times included) tend to think that being in a relationship will surely bring rainbows and butterflies and buckets filled with the purest happiness of all; not being in a relationship then clearly equals sadness, loneliness, tears, etc., which when you think about it, couldn’t be further from the truth. As lovely as it may be to have a boyfriend as romantic as Noah from the Notebook or a girlfriend who is willing to play Warcraft with you, relationships require a lot of hard work, time invested, compromise, sweat, tears, money and God knows what else. And when you think that a relationship could turn into marriage and into the possibility of spending the rest of your remaining days with that same person, then the thought of having some alone time first becomes quite appealing, wouldn’t you agree?
But mind you, being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. It simply means that you have enough time to think clearly and chemical-free about yourself and to put yourself first (no dopamine or oxytocin or endorphins there to screw you up and make you a blind, lovey-dovey, goofy, romantic person), before putting a husband or wife, a job and three kids ahead.
So I thought about all of the reasons why you should love being single, and I wanted to share a couple of them with you lovely people:
1. You get to invest your precious time in developing yourself
Think about all the things you always wanted to do and never really had time for. Learning a new language, taking dancing classes, taking up a new sport, conferences or classes about some of the subjects you’re really interested in, reading, writing, painting, you name it.
Sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you tend to lose yourself and start thinking for two instead of one, with an emphasis on the other person. You worry more about them, and you lose sight of what you want or who you want to be. Being single is the perfect opportunity to figure that out and build a hard-to-break foundation of yourself that will be difficult to knock down when you it gets together with someone else’s.
2. No one to answer to when it comes to who you were out with
I don’t know about you, but one of the things I used to hate when being in a relationship was the guilt I felt when I was put on the spot for going out with male friends. It was worse than being parented.
I learned that sometimes people can get very jealous, especially when they are not comfortable in their own skin or when they have trust issues.
Being unattached gives you a unique sense of freedom and it also means less worrying about who you spend time with. Again, I think it’s important to get to know yourself and trust yourself before finding someone who would be as perfectly imperfect as you are to start something beautiful with.
3. That feeling of independence and freedom
Just think about it. You could practically jump into a car right now and just drive to wherever your heart desires. You could move to another country, visit Indonesia, or take a tour of Europe if you want. You could spend every night out partying, crash at friends, try new sports, do things you wouldn’t normally do, take risks, make changes.
You are pretty much free to do whatever it is that you want to do.
4. You can do whatever you want and no one will nag you for it
Girls, no one is going to roll their eyes if you want to watch PS I love you again tonight. Just go for it! Take that decadent chocolate chip ice-cream and enjoy a night in your comfy jammies while watching a 6 pack match between Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan.
And guys, there’s no one there to nag you for wanting to start another round of Starcraft with your buddies. Take out your 6-pack of beer, bags of chips, and enjoy a couple of hours of gameplaying with Kerrigan and a herd of Zergs at your command.
5. Pre-falling in love process is awesome
Falling in love is such a wonderful feeling, but the whole process before you get to the point where you actually admit that to each other before riding into the sunset together is even better.
Making that first eye contact with someone and feeling your stomach twinge and twist, the first conversation, the first date, the first kiss. For some people, dating is even better than being in an actual relationship. What do you think about this?
6. Opportunities that you might not have taken if you were in a relationship
Sometimes we get to face some tough choices that could change our entire future. Sometimes those choices turn out to be blessings in disguise, other times they turn out to be misfortunes. When you get an opportunity that could redirect the course of your life, you have to think about what’s in it for you, how does that impact you, how does it change you, where does it take you? Often times we say no to such opportunities because we choose love, and for good reason too. But one of the perks of being single is not having to think twice when it comes to such opportunities.
7. The only thing you’ll be crying for are the Grey’s Anatomy episodes
This may just be for the girls out there, but honestly, the only thing you should be crying and feel sad about are the sappy movies you’re watching. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep becomes of the guys in my life, and it was no fun. Sure, I was foolish too and I had my own share of blame, but sometimes, I simply feel like it’s so much better to not having to deal with the drama of relationships; I like my drama to stay in TV shows, thank you very much.
8. No compromises
One of the hardest thing to do is compromise who you are for the sake of a relationship. Sometimes it’s worth it, other times you just end up giving up a piece of yourself to fix something that can’t be fixed. At the end of the day you got to realize that some people, even if they are meant to fall in love, are not meant to stay together, so you need to choose carefully, what you’re willing to give and what to gain.
9. Other perks include:
Staying in your underwear or XXL t-shirt whenever you feel like it, having an entire bed to just yourself, not worrying about leaving the toothpaste cap off, or having to move the toilet seat according to your preferences, and while speaking of preferences, sticking to your own regarding shaving; no annoyances, no fights, no Valentine’s Day obligations, no pressure to find the perfect birthday gift, no unrealistic expectations, no worries about being scolded for leaving the milk cart open in the fridge.
10. The chance to be You
This post may come off as being an anti-relationship rant, which partly is, but what I really want you to focus on is the importance of finding yourself in all of this, and being completely prepared for when the time comes to fully accept another person into your heart and into your life. It’s not easy to be with someone when you can’t even see who you really are.
So take this time to find out everything there is to know about you: what you like, what you hate, what you want to become, where you want to go, how you like to be loved, what you want to give to someone else, what you don’t want to compromise, and what type of person you would like to wake up next to. Give yourself enough time to learn and make mistakes and evolve into the best you that you can possible be, and let the magic happen all by itself: your perfect someone will find you when you’re both at your best.