February 13, 2013 by Diana M
Since Valentine’s Day is coming upon us, I thought I would take the time to talk a little bit about the thing that is on everybody’s minds and tongues constantly: love. But I want to treat just a small part of it; I want to talk about expectations and what we want when we’re looking for someone or are with someone in a relationship.
Truth of the matter is, we grew up being influenced by fairy tales and stories with happy endings and true love and soulmates waiting around the corner to bump into us and create a magical connection that would last for a lifetime.
They influenced us so much that now we have a check list of qualities, abilities, and values that a person must posses before being proclaimed The One. And if someone doesn’t fit the criteria, well then, they just don’t get the job, now do they?
But if you take a closer look at those fairy tales, maybe you’ll notice some silver linings in between. Cinderella took matters into her own hands to get to that ball (with the help of some loved ones of course), Snow White didn’t give up when she was practically banished from her home, Little Mermaid faced her fears and went after her dreams of seeing another world despite all dangers and risks. And on their way, yes, they found love. But they didn’t go out into the world looking for it, they were happy just singing with the birds and fish. But because of who they were, they met someone who was on the same page with them, and they fell in love. Sure, the guys always turned out to be Princes, but that’s not the point. The point is that these fairy tale characters didn’t pretend to be someone else, and in return, they found someone who shared the same passions they did.
What really ticks me off nowadays though is the extend to which these stories have gotten into our brain and rotten it. I mean, I look at books like Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey, which are mainly for two categories of people: teenage girls, and 30-40 year old women. And those books sold so many copies to these type of women not because the story was breathtaking, not because the characters were well rounded and deep, but because it was a story of an average girl making an untouchable, unattainable and unforgettable bad boy fall in love with her. And what does this do? It gets into the head of every single girl or woman who thinks she’s average or living an average life, and makes her believe that one day, she’s going to find some perfectly carved guy everyone dreams of and that, somehow, that guy will only have eyes for her, and their love story will be epic.
Now let me ask you this: how many times, in real life, have you actually seen this happen? Seriously now, how many times?
It kills me to think that there are women out there waiting around for the perfect guy to show up, or that there are men out there waiting for some perfect girl to turn around. You know why? Because that waiting and expecting for perfection to happen automatically blinds you when it comes to anything that is not on your criteria list.
And if it’s one thing that life has taught me, is that things happen when you don’t expect them to happen, when you’re not looking for them to happen, when you are so focused and immersed into something else that you don’t think about what else is out there. I think this is what women and men out there should be focusing on. Those things that drive them, that make them passionate, that make them want to go the extra mile in order to become the person they always dreamed of becoming.
Instead of focusing all of your energy complaining and waiting for love to magically appear in your life, why not use all that time and energy to improve yourself, to find love in other places, and to balance love out between your family, friends, pets, job, hobbies, in all aspects of your life?
So this is my message to you on Valentine’s Day: find what you love, not who to love. Look for what really matters to you and makes you feel happy, and stop hoping for someone to magically fall into your lap and turn your life around. Instead of dreaming of a perfect future with someone, how about start creating your perfect present with yourself as main character?
I will leave you with this:
PS: Happy Valentine’s Day!